Made In the Image of God, Part I

We've been in country for almost three weeks now.  Things are progressing along at a great rate, although I can't wait to get home since I miss my other children like crazy.  Our facilitators are amazing people who care about us and who love the children in their country.  We have met nannies who not only care for our children, but who have prayed for them and loved them.  This has been incredible.

Everyone wants to see photos, but we decided before we came that we'd wait till after we had court papers in hand to share those ... we want it all to be official before we make it official!  But I did want to share a little bit with you all, since you have prayed for and supported this journey up until now.

On the day we met our son, I had a complete come apart.  I cried.  I railed at Heaven.  I mourned.  And then I sought God and found peace.  Why?  Because it broke my heart to see this precious boy so obviously bearing the brunt of a broken system.  Our son has been lovingly cared for by an amazing director and a team of nannies who love him.  There is very little I can complain about on that front.  

But the fact that he was abandoned at all broke my heart.  I hate that there have to be orphans at all.  I hate that it took us so long to get here.

Before we ever met him, God clearly told me to be ready.  To brace myself.  For when I saw my son, I would see GOD more clearly.  For indeed, He was created in the image of God.  In my oh-so-human heart that excited me and I set up unrealistic expectations.  

I expected to see a child who, in spite of the overwhelming odds against him, was flourishing and victorious.  I pictured a boy who had been miraculously healed and was smiling and whole and ready for his new family.

Instead I sat in an office and heard about how he had been doing so well, "But...."  And then they filled in the "but".  The "but" made my heart hurt, but I still hoped.

And then I met him.  This amazing boy God had brought us half way around the world to meet.  This boy I had dreamed about, prayed for, and loved beyond reason or explanation.  And he was smiling.  He is ready for a family.  But.  

But he was worse off then I imagined.  The last year was not a great one for him.  And it hurt to see that.  And then came the still, small voice after I processed my emotions.

"Can you see Me yet?"

What?!?!?!  See YOU?  Where?  All I see is a child in an orphanage that in a perfect world would have been in a family since his birth.

"Keep looking.  Made in MY image, reflecting MY likeness."

It took a while, but I finally saw.  Every time I look at my son's face, I see GOD now.  It's so clear, so blindingly obvious to me.  I am just in awe.

I see that by man's wisdom we would describe God as perfect, and then we would go on to mean that to be attractive, strong, victorious, admired, etc.  But God chose to come humbly, as a babe.  He chose to come humbly, as a servant.  He chose to bring life, through death.  God's ways are not our ways.

And when I look at my son, and the other orphans here in this Eastern European nation, I see God.  I see children who are not forgotten.  God knows their names.  I see children that the world calls disabled, retarded, damaged, and forsaken.  God has never left them.  I see children that are hidden away because they are disfigured and different.  And yet God said, "It is good."

I look at our son and I see these truths.  I see the impact of sin in a depraved, fallen world.  That is why he is where he is.  But then I see God in his eyes -- in that purity of spirit, the humbleness of stature, the unrestrained joy in response to love.  It's beautiful.

Our son reaches for us eagerly when we walk into the room.  He doesn't berate us for being late.  He doesn't judge us and find us lacking.  He is just thrilled we have come.  God is like that.  Our son laughs and delights in our company, even when we don't do anything particularly delightful.  He just wants to be with us.  it is enough that we love him and want to spend time with him.  God is like that. Our son is sad when it is time for us to leave, often sheds tears when we walk away.  It leaves a gap in his life when it is time to be separated.  And there is an expectant joy for the day when we won't have to be separated every again.  God is like that.  Our son seems to come alive when he hears other children laugh.  Nothing brings him greater happiness than the joy of those around him.  Our God is like that.

Made in the image of God?  Oh, yes, Lord I see it!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Today we will be on a plane and tomorrow we will be there!!!!

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We're off!

And the Number We've All Been Waiting For: 1!

This is it: Our last day on American soil before we head out for the adventure of a lifetime, to bring our angels home! WOW.

I feel like I should have something incredibly profound to say.  You know what I mean: something earth shattering and motivational, upbeat and excited, transforming and memorable.

And all I can think of is whether or not I've forgotten to pack anything and if there is a way to fit my pillow into my luggage because I really missed my pillow last time.  You feel transformed after reading that, right?  It was earth shattering; I just know it.

Or not.

Let me try again.

With one day left I'm facing all of my excitement alongside all of my anxiety.  I'm facing the truth that life is about to be altered in ways I can't even fathom, and they're just around the corner.  For better or worse, this is it.  And I can't wait.  After all, the pressure's not on me -- I'm not the One writing this story; God is.  And He knows all that is to come and will not be surprised or flummoxed by anything we're about to encounter.

It's easy to lose your focus when you're adopting.  Adoption has totally changed who I am as a person.  My focus, my thought, my very soul have been transformed.  I understand so much more fully the enormity of what God has done for me.  But you see, I'm not supposed to be the focus here.  That's why God has allowed me to come to the end of my rope.  He wants me to keep the focus where it belongs.

On our children.

Aren't they beautiful?!?!

They are the main characters in this beautiful love story and we're just supporting characters.  So my focus is on my kids.  My kids here, my kids there ... but the children are the heart of it all.  And the only thing that I want  you to remember is to pray for them.  Pray that in all of this, all of our children are protected and loved and that God's plan for them is walked out.

I'm humbled and honored, terrified and thrilled, and ready to burst with the love that is in my heart for my babies.  I can look back and see how God truly kept His promises: if we would trust Him, He would provide.  If we would give him our fishes and loaves, He would multiply them.  If we were willing, He would carry us through any challenge that was throw into our path.  Now we move forward and trust Him again, knowing full well that He is worthy of that trust.  To Him who able to do exceedingly above all we could ask or think... to HIM be the glory!



If you want to help us reach the place of FULLY FUNDED, you can do that HERE!  We thank you so much for your gift -- your part of this amazing ransom!

Just 2 Days Till GO! (And some thoughts on things I've been hearing lately)

There are just two more days until we fly out.  Two more days in our home.  But it feels like we've already gone, because I'm rattling around a home with no children in it.  Me, the "I'm-not-a-kid-person", is absolutely clueless as to how to go about a day without my children. So I decided to spend a few minutes this morning sharing a few of the misconceptions I started out with, and those that I encounter often.

I've also been the "I-like-my-own-kids-just-not-yours-person",  so it often raises eyebrows when I tell people I'm adopting.  It's simple to me; these children are mine.  And as God grows my heart to love these children, I find that I'm loving all children more.  That's not to say I'm ready to be the nursery coordinator at church or run a VBS program (after all, let's not go crazy!), but I've found that adoption has changed my life so much.

Just the other day, someone asked me if any of my kids were mine -- and my kids were standing right there.  It took me aback, and then I realized they were asking if any had been born to me biologically.  I realized it was ignorance, not rudeness, so I tried to respond kindly.  I said, "They're all mine, but I've carried three in my womb and three in my heart."  The person had the grace to stammer and blush, then say, "OH."  I'm not sure if they got it or not, but no way was I every going to respond and divide my children and say some were mine and some were not.  I try to respond gently, but also in such a way that maybe they won't ask the same question of the next beautifully diverse family that they encounter.

Everyone talks about how happy they must be now that they have a family.  I've heard that a few times this week, and every time I've left a person with wide open eyes and hopefully a more open heart to a different perspective.  I'm not on a rescue mission.  I'm not out to earn eternal gratitude.  I didn't "fly over there and radically save a child to give them a better life."  The truth is simple: Papa Bear and I love God.  We love children.  We long for a large family.  And we're willing to go and bring our kids home from the far corners of the earth.  We don't expect any emotions of extreme gratefulness from our new kids, any more than we do from the kids who have been with us for their lifetime.  But the truth is also this: They had a family.  And for some tragic reason, they have been yanked away from that family.  The tragedy may be death, abuse, neglect, lack of education, or a mother who felt ill equipped and alone.  But whatever it was, it was tragic. We're just plan B.  Our children will mourn, they will rage, they will weep ... and they will be loved.  We want to honor their past, and help them create a future.

I've also heard a lot of awe and wonder and the comments that boil down to, "I couldn't do it."  Read the link to that blog post where I discussed it -- and maybe find some freedom.  My answer to that now is simple, "You're right.  You probably couldn't right now.  BUT if God stirs your heart for it, you'll be able to at the right time.  This is my thing, my calling.  If it's not yours, that's okay."

The last comment I want to address is one I've been writing a response to and deleting since last year.  It's one that makes me rage and weep simultaneously.  So forgive me if I don't answer it as well as I'd like.  "I hope you're ready for what this will do to your real kids.  I can't imagine what it must do to their hearts to realize they aren't enough for you."  OH. MY. GOODNESS.  Would someone say that to a pregnant mom?  I truly doubt it.  Let me tell you something, my kids are my world.  And they know that.  They know I love them.  They also know that we have children all over the world, and they are excited to have their brother and sister coming home soon.  We aren't adopting to fulfill a void in our lives; we're adopting because we were meant to.

As for my children, let me tell you what adoption is doing to their hearts: It is growing them.  It is teaching them compassion.  It is teaching them selflessness.  It is teaching them to love all of the diverse people in the world, and to not be afraid of those who are different than they.  It is teaching them to be open to being the hands and feet of God in a world where many think that's just too radical.  It is giving a glimpse of the wonder of heaven and the sacrificial love that provided for them the grace and life they could never attain on their own.  It is making them better people!  And if you think those things are bad for them, then nothing I say will impact you at all anyhow.

Thank you for following us, for praying for us, for loving us, for sharing this journey with us.  Stay tuned for more if you want to keep walking along with us and if you want to partner with us you can do that HERE.

Bring Angel Home from Benji L. Hansen on Vimeo.

A Winner's Choice Giveaway, a Fantastic Gift, and a VIDEO!

Things are moving quickly as we ready to leave for Eastern Europe.  Right now there are TWO amazing ways you can be a part of it!

First, please check out this amazing blog, and the gift we've been given.  I love how God is moving for our children, and I am humbled to be a part of it.  Every dollar we receive from now till Sunday, until the grant is satisfied, counts as doubled.  If we raise $500 by Mother's Day, we actually get $1,000!!!!

Next, we have a Winner's Choice Giveaway.  What is this you ask?  It's a THANK YOU.  It's a way that we can give YOU something for blessing us.  This particular giveaway is hosted by a wonderful woman named Christina and instead of picking your prize, she is letting you choose!  How cool is that?!??  Here are the details:

WINNERS choice! American Girl doll of choice, Dolls for Downs doll of choice, $100 Amazon gift card, or $100 to the FSP/orphan of your choice! ONLY TAKING 20 ENTRIES. Every 5 entries I will draw for an incentive prize, there will be jewelry, cold stone cards, or American Girl doll clothes to choose from! E-mail christina0469@msn.com with your receipt to receive your entry (forward the one paypal gives you).  Donations are tax deductible and can be made at: http://reecesrainbow.org/50204/sponsortucker

Bring Angel Home from Benji L. Hansen on Vimeo.

Three...A Little Number That Changes So Much!

What does 3 mean to us?  Well, it's only three days until we board an airplane to take us to our sweet wee ones.  It's the number of children that will have been added to our family in the last year through adoption (yes, the kids in our family will have doubled!).  And it's the number of times I'll have experienced the miracle of growing a child in my heart, as well as the number of times I've experienced the miracle of growing them in my womb.

Three is a precious number!

And today I'll share three things you can join us in praying for:

1. Please cover our kids in prayer as we leave them to go bring home their brother and sister; they are already homesick and weepy for us and we are praying that they have so much fun that there is no time to miss us too much
2. Please pray for every process abroad to take the least amount of time possible, if that is God's will, so that we can be united as a family soon
3. Please pray a special blessing for everyone who has sown into our adoption to help us bring our children home; it is a miraculous thing to be a part of ransoming a life and a miraculous thing to place into God's hands whatever you have to give and watch Him multiply it to rescue one of His children

If you want to continue to follow our journey, I'll be posting periodic updates here on this blog while we are away.  If you want to contribute any gift, big or small, you can do so HERE and you'll receive a tax deductible receipt.

4 to Fly

Today marks the last full day we have with the four kids who are already in our heart and arms ... and four days till we fly out!

Yesterday marked a MIRACLE.  Yesterday when I woke up, we still had quite a ways to go on our funding.  QUITE a ways.  And an amazing woman of God -another adopting mom- felt compelled to fill in over half of what we still needed ... and exactly what we HAD to have in hand before we left.  How amazing is GOD?!?!?!  And to move through this other woman ... this woman on this same journey ... bringing home her own sweet baby.  Two families, three kids -- will you pray for us all?

Yesterday I shared a bit about the sad parts of adoption; I try to stay away from that and stay encouraging, but I had to be honest and give a balance approach also.  Today I'm just going to tell you that ADOPTION IS WORTH IT.  IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

And now I'm off ... to enjoy the four that we have before they leave tomorrow afternoon for their NY vacation!  We have plans for packing, and playing, and snuggling, and adventures.

To be a part of our adoption journey, follow this blog and to support it, make your tax deductible gift HERE.

And Then There Were 5... and Some Somber Thoughts

And then there were five...five days left to take care of all the details one has to manage before taking an extended trip.  Five days left to enjoy our own home.  Five days left to eat American food (although the only thing I'll really miss is fried chicken and Salvatore's pizza ... everything else is better over there, anyhow!).

But today the number on my mind is TWO.  I only have 2 days left with my children before they head to spend one or two months with my family (it all depends on how long Daddy and Mommy have to be away).  I'm happy that they will have fun and stay together, but I am heart broken at the thought of leaving them.  I know it works for some families, but I never leave my kids.  I just don't.  That being said, my best friend and aunt are doing the unthinkably awesome thing of giving our children a fantastic vacation and loving them in our absence; we are so blessed to have them!

I always try to focus on the positive.  I like to share the exciting parts of the journey, and to focus on the blessings and joys of it.  But the truth is that it is a process filled with trials and challenges and heartbreaks.  It's not all sunshine and roses.

I am leaving four beautiful, thriving, well loved (by oh-so-many!) children to go after two forgotten, alone, and well loved (by us!) children.  I am leaving the family we already have to pursue the family we love that is not already with us.  It is worth it because then there will be six thriving children.  The cost is great, but the rewards are priceless.  They are eternal.

In a perfect world I would not have to do this.  In a perfect world, I would never have had to hold my princess while she cries about being separated from us, or my lil man while he weeps for fear that we'll be gone forever.  In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to worry about my toddler not understand or my eldest feeling abandoned.  In a perfect world, I wouldn't have two children sitting in cribs day after day and not being showered with all the love they deserve.

But we live in an imperfect world.  And adoption is an imperfect solution to a horrible problem.  I'm not God's Plan A for my kids, but because of sin I am His rescue mission.  I am humbled, honored, and happy to be that rescue plan.  But it grieves me that there are children who need me to be.

Today I am praying, "LORD, Come Quickly!"

If you want to support this journey we're on, you're tax deductible gift can be made HERE

6 is a Nice, Round, Number too

I remember talking with our pastor when we were in pre-marriage counseling.  The Big Day was only a month or so off, and we were getting to the important stuff: who would manage the finances, how we would resolve conflicts, how many kids we would have...

We did really well till we hit that last one.  If there had been a sound track playing sweetly in the background, it would have stopped at that question.  We never fought about it or anything, but we certainly weren't as unified as we'd been up till that point.

Papa Bear wanted a big ole litter of cubs.  This maybe-one-day-in-the-future-I'll-be-a-momma gal thought one or two was plenty.  He said, "Maybe three?" with that irresistible grin of his (and oh, have I learned to watch out for that grin -- I'm a sucker for it even now!).  And I said, "No."  Years of experience with youth and children had taught me that three was my least favorite number of siblings.  Because there was always that middle kid.  And you could pick them up out of a crowd every time.  No way did I want a middle child.  And back then I knew everything, so there was no telling me otherwise.

{Dear Readers: If you are the middle child, or if you have three children, please forgive my harsh 20-year old self ... this was just how I felt back then, and I'm over it now ... but to share the story, I need to tell the facts}

I smartly informed by husband-to-be that I would not be bearing an odd number of children.  Once we had three kids, he may as well adjust to the idea of a fourth.  I told him I was fond of nice, round, even numbers.  In my mind, that ended things and limited us to my already approved number of two -- because really, who in their right minds saw me as the mother to four?!?!  HAH.  That was the last time I thought of that irresistible grin as harmless.  It's a force of nature in my life.

Ten years of marriage later, I was expecting our third child.  Older, wiser, and more tempered, I had no intention of mentioning a fourth.  Ever.  But as I shared yesterday, God had a plan.  A time.  And it wasn't the same as mine.

I'm so glad His ways aren't my ways.  They are SO MUCH BETTER!

Here I am today less than a week away from leaving to meet our fifth and sixth children and bring them home.  I am so excited!!!  After all, six is a nice, round, even number.  And, if you recall, I'm quite fond of those.  I've given up planning my own future, and I'm trusting God to lay out one for us that is better than we could ever dream up.

So today is six days till we leave and have six kids.  WOW.  If you want to help us get there, you can do that HERE.

7: Perfection, Completion, Now

As soon as I saw this "7", I knew it was perfect for what I wanted to share with you today.   If you've been following along, you know that we are counting down to when we leave to bring our Eastern European angels officially into our family.  Only. Seven. Days. Left.

Anyhow, on to the tale of the starfish (adapted to be told -- my way).  The original story was about an old man walking on a beach covered in starfish, and he was tossing them back in one at a time.  A little boy asked him why he was doing it, since he couldn't save them all.  He answered that he could make a difference to this one.  And that story is what launched this one...

Many, many years ago there was a vibrant, excited couple with a big vision for their future.  This couple was young and in love.  They had a passion for the world and dreams of setting it on fire as they impacted every corner God sent them to.  One of their dreams was adoption.  But that dream fell to the wayside as they meandered into adulthood and started a family.  They kept thinking: someday.  They would look at the world and see the great need, wondering how on earth they could meet it. 

After all, they were only two people and the world held over 140 million orphans.  How on earth could they even begin to touch a need that vast?  It was disheartening.  But as this family raised their children, the need to change that huge number failed to subside.  

One morning they woke up, not knowing their lives were about to change forever, and heard God clearly speaking.  Their agenda for the day was set aside and they followed God's leading.  Had they known that simple change in plans would set the course of their entire lives in a new direction they might have given it some pause, or felt a wee bit nervous.   

That was the day they met her.  

She was an orphan from Ukraine, visiting the U.S. for the summer.  She had eyes that sparkled with joy and swam with a secret longing to be loved.  She had a smile that was slow and beautiful, and a gracefulness and tenderness about her that made her seem much older than she was.  And in her eyes, Duane and Lisa saw the heart of God for orphans.

It was time for them to stop simply praying; it was time to ACT NOW.  That sweet girl never became theirs, but she was how God gripped their hearts.  There was no turning back.  They had to go to her country and adopt at least one of its children.  They may not be able to change the lives of 140 million, but they could love one at a time.  And they could still pray for her, as she were theirs (and they still do, daily).

And so they are growing their family, again.  This time with two sweet starfish ... two little angels from Eastern Europe.  And they cannot do it alone. 

When I mulled over what to share today, I thought about the number 7.  It stands for completion, for perfection.  It stands for the day when there will be no more death, no more tears ... no more orphans. 

But it also stands for something else.  It stands for the percentage of Christians needed to make that day when there are no more orphans a reality Right Now --  now, before God comes back.  IF ONLY 7% OF CHRISTIANS ADOPTED ONE CHILD WITHOUT A FAMILY, THERE WOULD BE NO ORPHAN CRISIS -- FOR ORPHANS WOULD CEASE TO EXIST. And as for the other 93% percent: It's not time to sit idly by and worry over the issues. It's time to act.  Time to pray, time to give, time to launch the 7% who are answering the call to go.  BECAUSE 100% OF CHRISTIANS ARE CALLED TO HAVE THE HEART OF GOD FOR ORPHANS.


To help us on this journey, visit HERE.  And take a peek out our two adorable "starfish".

The Crazy Eight

Sometimes that's what I think of us as -- the Crazy Eight!  After all, this summer there will be 8 members in our family!  WAHOO!  I'd say that's all we'll ever be, but I said that after we were three, then four, then five, and then six ... and now we're jumping up to eight.  So that nickname may not have a long shelf life, but for now that's us.

Why the CRAZY eight?  Well first, because that's what popped into my mind.  We really enjoy the card game!  But also because we want to be crazy; Normal is too safe, too comfortable.  Radical is more what we're going for.  We want to radically love, radically give, radically live.  That's how lives are changed.

Today is the last Saturday I'll have with the four children already in our arms.  It is bittersweet.  But we're enjoying our traditional Saturday: cartoons in our jammies followed by errands and then cleaning so that we can fully rest on Sunday, then topped off with a yummy dinner (hello, pizza!) and movies and snuggles and some silliness.  Days like this are my favorite -- together, simple, and always enjoyable.  There is such an anticipation within me for the next Family Movie Night we'll have ... with two more children to snuggle and tickle and giggle with.  WOW.  Just WOW.

We are getting closer to our goal of $5,000 before week's end ... so please pray that we hit it!  After that, we'll be heading toward our next goal ... but it's one step at a time.  All gifts are tax deductible and can be made HERE.  If you donate and want a chance in our prize giveaway, please comment on our Bringing Angel Home facebook page.

9 Days and Dreaming...

When I saw this picture of the number 9, I got giddy!  Do you know why?  

If you know me well, then you know why.  For those of you who don't, let me explain...

The long story is HERE.  But here's the recap...

Thanksgiving is my very favorite day of the whole year.  We rarely celebrate it on the Thursday labeled on our calendar, because we can't all be together that day.  But we pick a day, in November, and celebrate together.  Our favorite Thanksgiving tradition is to decorate gingerbread cookies together -- and this year, we'll have six children around the table joining in our annual traditions.  So much more to be thankful for!

But to bring these babies home means we need to go and get them.  We need to fly to Eastern Europe, start the 6-8 week long process, and then wait it out each day.  We'll get to visit them, but it will be about a month before they are ours.  And even then, we'll have to wait ten days to break them out of their orphanage and fold them into out family where they are already loved and prayed for passionately.

We have worked hard, sacrificed much, and are still coming up short.  So now we are fundraising  harder than we ever thought.  Right now we are doing a GIFT AWAY!  We have three gifts up for grabs: A Disney Doll (a prince or a pincess ... your call!), an awesome boutique outfit -boy or girl!- made by Props N Things (up to a size 4T), and a lovely Montessori inspired toy set with a castle and people.  Every $5 donation brings you one chance in our gift away!  After you donate, comment on the BRINGING ANGEL HOME page on facebook.  We'll do the drawing on Sunday night!  All donations are tax deductible and can be made HERE!

Ten Days and Counting...

Wow, this is it. The last day of waiting in the double digits.  In ten more days, we'll be boarding an airplane and the season of waiting here at home will be over (and the season of waiting over there will begin!).

Last night we went to a prayer gathering at our church.  There they prayed for our family -- for the children staying behind, the children soon to be home, and each part of the process.  The part of the prayer that made my heart sing, however, was this: "Lord, prepare the hearts of little A and little J, to be ready for the love of their parents...prepare the siblings to love one another seamlessly."  YES, LORD!  YES!  What an awesome prayer.

Today we'll wash and fold and put away clothes in drawers that have sat empty for too long.  We'll pray for each other, and for every member of our family.  And we'll count our blessings.  I love playing the Thankful Game.  And of course, most importantly, I'll PLAY WITH MY KIDDOS.

Also, today we'll be announcing a flash auction for an amazing Montessori style learning toy.  If you have kids or grandkids in your lives, you want to get in on this.  Keep your eyes on our facebook page (link below).


If you want to help us get there, you can jump in our 12 Days of Christmas in Spring celebration with gifts for all who help at BRINGING ANGEL HOME.

And if you'd simply like to add a tax deductible gift to help unite our children across the sea with their family, you can do that HERE.

Gearing Up

And the countdown is on ... we leave in just 11 days!

WOW.

I shared on Monday that I'm at the end of my rope.  Oddly enough, I'm learning that it's not a bad place to me.  Quite the opposite ... it's really working in my favor.

I've also shared about some of the unexpected blessings we've encountered on this journey.  We've become a part of a community I didn't even know existed -- and it's chock full of awesome people :)

Pretty soon, we'll be a family of EIGHT ... that's SIX kiddos!
I never imagined that day would come, but now I'm thrilled.
And don't ask me if we're done ... I'm not a fan of that question these days.
How can you ever have too many blessings??  You can't.  

And I have no idea how many blessings in the form of children God intends to shower us with.  

I just take them one (or two!) at a time and say THANK YOU!

Today I'm taking care of the mundane details.  But they're also exciting.  I have purchased our car seats (I'm such a car safety geek that I had a blast researching and then picking brains to make sure I had reached the right conclusion about what was best for us) and made an appointment with the beautiful car seat installation expert/safety guru I'm blessed to call friend.

And here's my little moment of gratitude for today: I was able to get my dream car seat for less than half the price I saw it for at Buy Buy Baby!  I have seen it decrease in price twice, but it was still not in my budget.  So I prayed.  And the other night, I just felt it was time to order so I clicked into Amazon and it had reduced again!  Our God cares about the details.  He wants my babies to be safe, and He knows our limited resources (but there you have it -- He works with my limited resources and then adds His vast, UNlimited resources!).

If you want to help us get there, you can jump in our 12 Days of Christmas in Spring celebration with gifts for all who help at BRINGING ANGEL HOME.

And if you'd simply like to add a tax deductible gift to help unite our children across the sea with their family, you can do that HERE.

I Have Come to the End of Myself

I've been having a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head, echoing in my heart.  Adoption really isn't for the faint of heart.  And I'm not what you would consider a super strong, stick to it, make-a-way-no-matter-what kind of a person.  I look at other adoptive moms and I pale in comparison.  I look at those who have what seems like dozens of kids and I wonder why they find their energy.  And then there's me...

I'm the mom who second guesses herself.  I'm the mom who hopes that her kids grow up to be amazing adults in spite of her.  I'm the mom who loves being a mom, but wonders if she could be better.  I'm incredibly human, and sometimes that's rough.

And now, with thirteen days left until I board an airplane to head across the ocean,I'M AT THE END OF MYSELF.

2 Corinthians 1:9 has been my verse to cling to: "No longer relying on myself, but instead on the God who raises the dead!"  That's where I'm at.

And yesterday my pastor talked about how that is a key part of overcoming.  And I want to overcome.  I long for that victory in every area of my life.  So today instead of second guessing myself, I am reveling in my weakness -- thanking God for grace that is enough, peace that comes from beyond myself, and for the power that raised Christ from the dead and now lives inside of me.

Mother's Day Meanderings

I'm so excited about Mother's Day this year!  Last year, I was surrounded by three precious children who held my heart.  This year I'll be hugged by four and leaving to bring home two more.  WOW!

I can't even begin to put into words what it feels like to love a child that you did not carry in your womb, but in  your heart.  There is an element, sometimes, of disbelief -- is he really, truly, finally here?  There is an element of overwhelming love -- I can't believe I ever wondered how we'd make it work; I can't imagine life without him.  And there is an element of humility -- why has God entrusted this life into my care?

And the wonder and anticipation for the two who are still growing in our hearts -- just WOW.

Excitement!!!

I'll only be blogging from my living room for a few more weeks ... because we will be holding our sweet children and loving on them in less than a month!  We are so excited :)

Here are our sweet kiddos, all in "one" portrait ... until we can get back home and have our new portraits done by one of my favorite local photographers, By Him For Him Photography.  I cannot wait, honestly.  After we had them done last year, I could see the spots left open for our two new faces.  Seriously, I look at the picture and can see exactly where they ought to be!  But anyhow...here they are...our six kiddos:

If you want to pray, here are the requests we are constantly bringing before God:

• Perfect timing, for each and every step in the process
• For our four kiddos who will stay behind, not to miss us and to have fun
• For us, who have never left them, to not have broken hearts
• For our new kiddos, to be open to receiving our love
• For bonding to be smooth, and attachment swift
• For favor when we stand before the judge
• For the fastest possibly processing of all papers (see first request though, which trumps this one!)
• For a safe trip there and home

And if you want to help with support, here's what you can do:

• Make a tax deductible donation to our family grant via Reece's Rainbow (consider mailing a check, to save paypal fees if the gift is larger) ... and every $$ donated right now goes towards our $500 matching grant!
• Go SHOPPING!  We have a TON of gorgeous jewelry by PERFECT JOY DESIGNS that has been made to help us bring our kiddos home, and every penny comes to us :)
• Jump in and do a coin drive -- collect spare change from your home, car, pockets, and friends
• Have a yard sale that benefits our adoption, or a car wash, or host a party with one of the many home based businesses that donate (ask me for contact info -- we have Thirty-One, Usborne, Mary Kay, and more who will do this)
• For those who want to be more specific (some have asked!): we need two new car seats (we have to have certain ones to safely fit in our van, and that are the right sizes for our kiddos).  
• Spread the word!!!

Our Big Announcement!

Right from the start of this adoption journey, we felt as though God had a daughter and a son waiting for us. We did not think it would be possible to bring them both home, though, so we pursued our girl first.  Shame on us for doubting!

God had other plans, and He made them clear.  Soon, I could not sleep for dreaming and wondering about my boy.  It appeared I was going to lose my girl at one point, too, and I began to press in and question God about all I "knew."  I'd love to share the whole story, but that would mean letting you read my journal and I'm not ready for that.  At least not right now.

Suffice it to say, God gripped our hearts in a way we could not ignore and we pushed through for the impossible.  And now...I am pleased to share with you the TWO angels that have captured our hearts.

Aren't they darling?!?!?!  I am certain he will be a wonderful brother, and she a sweet sister.  I cannot wait to hug and kiss my babies. 

The Unexpected Blessing of the Adoption Journey

The obvious blessing of the adoption journey is the child or children you bring into your hearts and family.  But there are so many others, and I am afraid they are often overlooked.  Today I want to talk about some of them.

Above is a picture of adorable Matryoshka necklaces.  A very talented young woman, who lives down the road from us, made them.  She made the necklace below (and several more like it with all different parts of the world represented -- click on the pics to check them out).  She does jewelry parties and makes customizable pieces -- and gives ALL of the money away -- to help orphans land in families.

We had a little boy hand us a sandwich baggie full of change this week.  That baggie of change (and dollars) blessed me more than I could have ever imagined.  He told me his mom showed him a picture of our little girl on facebook and that he prayed for her.  WOW.  What an amazing young man.  

A woman we've never met in person who lives a solid day's drive away from us hosted a jewelry party last night to help us get closer to bringing our girl home.  She has prayed for our girl for long before we ever found her.  Our sweet angel has an angel of her own.

The beauty of this journey is that we are not walking it alone.  We are walking it with people we know, people we know in passing, and people we've never met.  When we started this journey, I had no way of knowing that one of my dearest friends would come out of it (that was last adoption!), or how many people (this adoption) would step forward to offer encouragement and love.  It is awesome.

Understanding a Ransom

According to the dictionary, a RANSOM is the price paid to deliver or redeem someone from bondage; the deliverance or rescue.

As a Christian I have often heard (and thought I understood) that I was ransomed by Jesus.  The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) and I am a sinner (Romans 3:23).  I, however, did not have to die because Jesus died for me (John 3:16).  All rather neat and tidy, when you're sitting in Sunday School reading learning about it.

But there was nothing neat and tidy about it.  It took a man, giving his life, so that I could live.  He had to leave His Father and His home, voluntarily lay aside His heavenly authority and take on the frail shell of a man, and submit to death one Friday afternoon.  He was spit on, laughed at, ridiculed, beaten, and murdered.  All so I wouldn't have to be.

And then -- HE AROSE!

This past Easter was more victorious to me than those in years past.  Why?  Because I understood just a little bit more about a ransom.  My heart was able to embrace the victory of redemption just a little bit more than it had in the past.

Why?

Because of ADOPTION.  Adoption is the ransoming of a life.  A precious life.  A forgotten life.  An important life.  A neglected life.  A valuable life...that has been devalued.

What man sees is not what God sees.  God has a different vision.  God is calling forward an army to make a difference.  If only 7% of Christians stepped up to the plate to adopt, we'd see a new world with no orphans.

Will you help?  A ransom is costly, but worth it.  You can pray, you can shout loudly for these kids, you can join a missions team, you can help raise the ransom for a family who will go and redeem them, or you can go yourself.  But please, understand that you have been ransomed, and you can help ransom someone else!

Here She Is: OUR ANGEL!

This week we made an 'official' commitment to a child who has been advocated for by the folks at Reece's Rainbow.  That doesn't actually mean anything truly official in our country, but it does let the world know who we are praying for and already love in our hearts as our girl. It is who we will be pursuing as soon as our feet hit the ground!  It also gives you a face to put with your prayers and support!  Isn't she lovely?

To be "fully funded" we need a lot of money ... about $21,000 more than we currently have.  Our goal for this week is to find 75 people who will donate $21 each ... that's $1 for each of her extra special chromosomes.  We also have extra jobs we are picking up, money we scrimp out of our budget by not spending, and fundraisers going on ... but because we adopted last year, we have very little savings to kick in.  Will you consider giving?  Even $5 makes a BIG DIFFERENCE to this little life.  You're not just blessing our family ... you're shaping her future.  Thank you.  Donations can be made HERE, or via the button on the sidebar.

Ready for a Sister!

As I shared in my post about going crazy NESTING, we've been busy bees around here.  In the midst of the insanity, though, I've been having some awesome moments with God.  I've had great, precious times with my children also.  They continually teach me how to be a better mother.  I love them so much!

Now for the fun stuff...the big reveal!  Here is the girls room:

This dresser was so much fun to make over!  It came out so much better than I could have ever imagined.  The bunkbed got a fresh coat of paint, as well, but it's not as fun as the dresser!

We tacked up a lovely curtain panel that had a garden scene on it so that is the view from the bottom bunk.  We are anticipating that our child has spent much of her life in a crib without all that much to look at, and I couldn't bear for that to continue.  I think this was my favorite part of our little angel's nook.

The owl pillow matches The Princess' top bunk (of which I could get no good picture because the angles were awful!) and the colors in the quilts overlap, but the patterns are different.  If you look closely, you can see that the shelf in the headboard has been papered with a zebra print.  That was totally for the Princess who currently has a huge zebra thing going on, as does her momma.  We really liked that part, too.

What you can't see is the reading nook and book shelves because I forgot to take a photo of them.  Sorry!

In the Waiting Season

The waiting season during our last adoption was nice. It was a simple time of waiting.  Sure, I nested and we prayed and we worked on the house, but by that time we were done with the stressful stuff.  We were pretty close to fully funded, we had the bedrooms set up, and everything that could go wrong already had.

This adoption process has been so different.

Nothing went wrong at first; apparently it all wanted to wait until the home stretch when all we were supposed to have to worry about was waiting.  Hmm.

I won't go through my "laundry list of woes" here, because complaining serves no purpose.  I'll just say that it's been a rather eventful few weeks and I can't wait to be bored.  Really.  Bored.  As in, nothing to do, nothing to stress about, nothing to worry over.

We have been hanging tight at about 1/3 funded and that is starting to freak me out a bit.  But I'm trying to walk in faith.  We have been blessed with a few matching grants up to this point, and have satisfied every one (through lots of hard work on our part ... BUT also LOTS of help on yours, so we THANK YOU SO MUCH!).

And now, now we are "crunch time."  We have close to $15,000 left to earn, save, and raise (more than that if we are able to bring home two!).  We don't have a matching grant, but we do have two incentives.  At the $1,500 mark we will have our car seat need met.  And at the $3,000 mark our stroller needs will be met.  I've got hunches other incentives are coming, but we have to hit these two first to find out!  

Take a peek at our fundraising tracker for this month's goal HERE.  

More than anything, we covet your prayers.  Please pray for wisdom, for provision, for every need to be met and for us to submit to God in every area of this process and all others in our life.

Watching Things GROW Is What They Do!

I was really blessed today to hang out at Green Eggs and Goats Farm and learn about Square Foot Gardening.  I gotta say, Heather is pretty impressive ... she even had a Power Point presentation for us -- and the best home grown yummies I've had in ages (from jellies to bread to pudding to cheese).  I got to see her sweet cow and pet her goats and invade her chicken coop.  And then we got to poke around her garden and learn what the deal is with composting and reaping a good harvest.  This lady knows her stuff!

I also met one of my real life inspirational heroes: two-time adoptive mom (this year!) and homeschooling momma who still finds time to be an amazing blessing to others.  And another woman who has four stinkin' adorable kids with big hearts and sweet personalities.  And a bunch of other ladies, too.  This group was super cool.  And they let me tag along for the fun today -- so awesome.

And as I was leaving, I was told I had a week
to match a $200 matching grant!!! 

I smiled as I drove away, thinking these ladies are all about planting and harvesting, in so many ways.  So here's your chance ... if you help plant into our adoption fund, they'll double our harvest up to $200 -- which means, if we raise that much in one week, we REALLY END UP WITH $400!  How cool is that?!?!
Here's where to get involved if you're interested!

We're working towards bringing our sweet angel home...

Nesting Time...We're in the "Third Trimester"

I have this crazy delightfully quirky side of me that comes out in the third trimester of a pregnancy ... or an adoption process.  This is now the fifth time it has happened (actually, sixth, but that's too long of a story to explain) and no one was surprised.  Papa Bear and the Best Friend just laughed.  The firstborn (aka The Princess) recognized the signs and saw it coming from a mile away.  Lil Bit (who shall henceforth be called is having a blast "helping."  Lil Man and the Eldest think Mommy is crazy highly motivated.

Normally when I spring clean, I'll spend a day dusting ceiling corners, another washing windows, another dusting base boards, and so on.

Not so when I'm expecting.

That's when the tooth brushes come out to make sure Every. Little. Speck. comes off of the baseboards.  That's when a room gets gutted and I spackle and sand and paint and organize.  Often with giant trash bags that find their way to the thrift store or the curb.  That's when I empty a dresser, line the drawers, and wash and iron the clothes.  And those are the normal things I do.

In short, INSANITY REIGNS.  And I'm okay with that.  I find it fun.  And the rest of the family loves me enough to go along for the ride.  Not to mention, they love the final result!

So yesterday the goal was to finish assembling a bunk bed and swap the location of the bed and dresser.  Simple and sweet, right?

Except that I really wanted to paint the bed.  And if I had to paint the bed, it had to go out of the room.  And really, since we were painting the bed, didn't it make sense to paint the dresser also?  I mean, it really needed to be done.  REALLY.  As in, I should have done it back in the days when I had only two kiddos (I barely remember those days, ha!).  And if the dresser and bed were getting taken out of the room and a fresh coat of paint, then surely the little cubby shelves could be spruced up, right?  And that leaves us with an empty room...

Which means the 8 year long goal of "Someday" taking up the carpet in that room could become a reality.  Surely you're right with me on this, and can see the LOGICAL train of thought, right?

Oh, and I should add that it was totally Papa Bear's fault inspiring suggestion that turned the walls from a whitish green to a lovely Young Willow.  He's the one who suggested the paint.  I just jumped all over it!

So that's how the GAL'S ROOM began it's makeover.  With the simple suggestion that we finish assembling the bunk bed.  And today I'll paint the trim -- it really needs a good coat to match the rest of the room.  And wax the furniture that's ready for it (which will be a new thing for me).  And give the bed a second coat of paint.  Tomorrow it will all go back together.