Watching Things GROW Is What They Do!

I was really blessed today to hang out at Green Eggs and Goats Farm and learn about Square Foot Gardening.  I gotta say, Heather is pretty impressive ... she even had a Power Point presentation for us -- and the best home grown yummies I've had in ages (from jellies to bread to pudding to cheese).  I got to see her sweet cow and pet her goats and invade her chicken coop.  And then we got to poke around her garden and learn what the deal is with composting and reaping a good harvest.  This lady knows her stuff!

I also met one of my real life inspirational heroes: two-time adoptive mom (this year!) and homeschooling momma who still finds time to be an amazing blessing to others.  And another woman who has four stinkin' adorable kids with big hearts and sweet personalities.  And a bunch of other ladies, too.  This group was super cool.  And they let me tag along for the fun today -- so awesome.

And as I was leaving, I was told I had a week
to match a $200 matching grant!!! 

I smiled as I drove away, thinking these ladies are all about planting and harvesting, in so many ways.  So here's your chance ... if you help plant into our adoption fund, they'll double our harvest up to $200 -- which means, if we raise that much in one week, we REALLY END UP WITH $400!  How cool is that?!?!
Here's where to get involved if you're interested!

We're working towards bringing our sweet angel home...

Nesting Time...We're in the "Third Trimester"

I have this crazy delightfully quirky side of me that comes out in the third trimester of a pregnancy ... or an adoption process.  This is now the fifth time it has happened (actually, sixth, but that's too long of a story to explain) and no one was surprised.  Papa Bear and the Best Friend just laughed.  The firstborn (aka The Princess) recognized the signs and saw it coming from a mile away.  Lil Bit (who shall henceforth be called is having a blast "helping."  Lil Man and the Eldest think Mommy is crazy highly motivated.

Normally when I spring clean, I'll spend a day dusting ceiling corners, another washing windows, another dusting base boards, and so on.

Not so when I'm expecting.

That's when the tooth brushes come out to make sure Every. Little. Speck. comes off of the baseboards.  That's when a room gets gutted and I spackle and sand and paint and organize.  Often with giant trash bags that find their way to the thrift store or the curb.  That's when I empty a dresser, line the drawers, and wash and iron the clothes.  And those are the normal things I do.

In short, INSANITY REIGNS.  And I'm okay with that.  I find it fun.  And the rest of the family loves me enough to go along for the ride.  Not to mention, they love the final result!

So yesterday the goal was to finish assembling a bunk bed and swap the location of the bed and dresser.  Simple and sweet, right?

Except that I really wanted to paint the bed.  And if I had to paint the bed, it had to go out of the room.  And really, since we were painting the bed, didn't it make sense to paint the dresser also?  I mean, it really needed to be done.  REALLY.  As in, I should have done it back in the days when I had only two kiddos (I barely remember those days, ha!).  And if the dresser and bed were getting taken out of the room and a fresh coat of paint, then surely the little cubby shelves could be spruced up, right?  And that leaves us with an empty room...

Which means the 8 year long goal of "Someday" taking up the carpet in that room could become a reality.  Surely you're right with me on this, and can see the LOGICAL train of thought, right?

Oh, and I should add that it was totally Papa Bear's fault inspiring suggestion that turned the walls from a whitish green to a lovely Young Willow.  He's the one who suggested the paint.  I just jumped all over it!

So that's how the GAL'S ROOM began it's makeover.  With the simple suggestion that we finish assembling the bunk bed.  And today I'll paint the trim -- it really needs a good coat to match the rest of the room.  And wax the furniture that's ready for it (which will be a new thing for me).  And give the bed a second coat of paint.  Tomorrow it will all go back together.

...Every Family...

During our last adoption, I was amazed at all we went through ... and still came out joyful and victorious.  This journey, I have no doubt I'll look back and say the same.  There is something so humbling, so overwhelming, and so beautiful about watching God grow your family and knowing you have to depend on Him for every single step.

My focus today is on Ephesians 3:

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

This verse encourages me so much!  My children, those here in our home, and those abroad waiting to come home derive their name from the God of heaven.  Our family, here on earth, is declared His and named by Him.  He names us: Growing, Flourishing, Holy, Whole, His, United, Unique, Blessed, Joyful, Expanded, International, Precious, and Desired.  

And to think that He can do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine...WOW!!!!  Because these days, I am asking and imagining a lot.  No joke ... dreaming BIG dreams these days, and asking God to weed out the ones that come only from my own heart and not from His -- to grow only that which has His blessing.  And yes, HE ALONE GETS THE GLORY for anything and everything that happens in our family, because it is through His grace and His provision that it happens.  I also love the thought of it bringing Him glory through the generations of our family tree, this tree that is bearing fruit from around the world.

Your Child Must Be So Happy Now...!

A lot of times, especially when encountering someone who is unfamiliar with adoption, we bump into folks who make the following comments, or some variation of them.

• Oh, your son must be so happy now that he has a family!
• What you're doing is so great; you're child will be so thankful for all the opportunities you're giving him/her.
• I bet he/she just loves being in America now!

If I'm honest, I have probably made them without even realizing it myself before we grew our family through adoption.  But I really wish people would STOP because it perpetuates an ethnocentric attitude and eliminates a respect for our children's past and their hearts and memories that we really ought to have.

My son grieves his family, almost daily.  We do something that reminds him of his aunt or his grandparents and he has a moment of sadness.  Yes, we want him to be a part of our family.  And yes, we hope one day each moment of joy isn't shadowed with a moment of grief.  And yes, every day we see progress as he becomes more and more entrenched in our love and our life.

But I don't want him to forget.  And when we adopt our little Eastern European angel in a few months, I won't erase his/her past either.  And I certainly never want to come to a place where I forget that where they come from has shaped who they are, and who they are is my child that I love completely -- ever single part of them, even the parts I often wish I could have spared them (read THIS).  There is a great blog post HERE about what it must be like for children who are adopted and how we respond; I hope you'll take a minute to read the wisdom that this woman shares.

Our children are gifts to us, but I often wish we were unneeded.  I wish that they had a life with the family that they started with that was healthy and beautiful.  I wish that hunger and pain and neglect were unknown to them.  I wish, I wish, I wish.  And because I care, I love them enough to embrace even the parts that make me uncomfortable.

I don't expect gratitude.  I don't expect worship.  I just want to love them until they hurt no more, until they can remember with shaking or crying, until the nightmares are distant memories.  And I want to tell people about where they come from and what a difference adoption makes, but I want to do it in a way that softens their hearts to this country and these children instead of embittering them.  I want to embrace and share the culture of my children; we are now a duo-ethnic family and we celebrate that!

Defining Adoption

ADOPTION COULD WELL BE DEFINED AS A LIFE CHANGING PROCESS THAT SO SHAKES YOUR WORLD, NOTHING -INCLUDING YOURSELF- IS RECOGNIZABLE AT THE END OF IT. The AWESOME BEAUTY of it is that it grows not only your family, but your heart, your joy, and your dreams.  It is lovely, frustrating, beautiful, heart wrenching, awesome and miraculous.

A couple of years ago, it was still one of those "someday" deals for us.  We never imagined we'd hop a plane with three kids (ages 1, 6, and 8) and head to Ukra'ne to meet a child and ask him to accept us as his family.  I never imagined I would sit in a tiny office listening to people chatter away in a language I couldn't make heads or tails of (after months of studying, no less!) and try to hold my hands still because I was trembling with fear that he would not want us.  I never imagined the joy that flooded my heart when he nodded "yes" -- which was nothing compared to the joy I felt the first time he called me "Mommy" or said "I love you."

And here we are, mid-process on adoption number 2.  I look at the family picture above and I think that it's lovely (after all, I'm kind of partial to the folks in it), but I see how incomplete it is.  Can't you see the child that is supposed to be peeking out from between Mommy's and Daddy's shoulders, or leaning on Big Brother, or propped on Sissy?  I can.  And it makes me yearn.  I have no idea how many children God will allow us to add to our family, but I can't wait to find out!  Each one is loved and treasured, and each one is unique.

But back to when adoption was a "someday" deal for us.  How did that change?  It changed when I met an orphan from the country we ended up going to.  My heart became so full and so empty all at once.  I longed to be her mother.  I'm not, but God knew that.  Just as He knew it would take loving her to get my head out of "someday" and into "now."  I'm so thankful I met her; that sweet girl changed our lives and the lives of other children who will have families because of her sweet eyes and spirit.  David Platt says that once you look into the eyes of an orphan and once you know their names, you can't stay uninvolved.  He is so right!

And here we are, with God messing me up again.  Last adoption we pursued an older child because they are less likely to be adopted.  This time, it's a child with special needs.  I started out being open to one girl -- a little ray of sunshine in a dark corner of the world.  And then I began to pray for other faces and names and those who were unknown.  And my heart stretched.  Again.  I started out being open to one tiny, easy to handle "disability" and became open to a plethora.

Adoption changes lives.  And it starts with the one pursuing it.

Blind Faith

The country we are going to doesn't guarantee children.  That means that until you are in the country, sitting in the government office looking at files of children, you don't really know who you'll be adopting.  You can start off with an idea, but we've learned a few times over that it doesn't mean a thing.

So this adoption journey that started with a specific child that captured our hearts is ending like the last adoption journey that started with a specific child that captured our hearts: we're heading into the country with very little idea of how this stage of the journey will end.

I've been asked if I'm scared.  I've been given opportunities to try to sway the outcome.  I've been given advice.  And I'm walking in with blind faith, choosing to trust God to lead us to the child that is a part of our family and to take my hands off of the process completely.

All we know is we are heading over there, and we are coming home with one more.   We are returning with the child who has already been birthed in our hearts, invaded our dreams, and whose presence is noticeably missing in our home because they are so real to us all.

Is blind faith really blind?  I don't think so.  It is trust.  It is knowing that the same God who planted this impossibly miraculous child in our hearts knows the exact moment we belong in country to meet them.  It is knowing that God has an appointed time and a chosen child that He is going to entrust to us.  And the anticipation is an opportunity for a faith that can only make me stronger and only serve to strengthen my relationship with Abba, Father.

A Note To Adoptive Parents...

Dear Parents:

I know you love your child-to-be dearly.  That is why you work so hard to be frugal, fundraise so diligently, and ask people for support.  That is why you go through the rigors of a homestudy, compiling a dossier, and navigating the channels of a foreign government.  That is why you are readying your home and your heart for its newest arrival.

Loving that child is awesome!

But may I encourage you to also love his or her homeland?  After all, it is this country that has given your newest love to you.  Don't despise it or demean it.  Pray for it.  Learn to understand it.  Embrace its history and celebrate its traditions.  Savor its foods and adopt a few of its customs.  Lavish it with the same love you are lavishing on your new son or daughter.

Your child is an orphan waiting for you, not because it comes from some horrible system that hates kids, but because we live in a world rife with sin.  You cannot blame a nation for doing its best -- or people who are not saved for doing their worst in the systems that work for these children.  It will only create bitterness within you and a wall between you and your child.  But you can and should shower this nation with prayer.

Just because this nation doesn't understand where we come from and speaks about us out of their ignorance does not mean they are lying to our children about us.  They are not attempting to disrupt your life; they are just repeating what they've heard and been taught to believe.  And anger, prejudice, hatred, and irritation will only serve to continue their feelings.  Love is what it takes to change it.

Please, precious parent, won't you love the nation of your child?  Won't you shower it with blessings?  Won't you cover it with prayer?  Won't you be the hands and feet of God, making the most of the opportunity you have to stand up for the Beloved of Heaven ... the One who cries out for this same nation to His Father, asking Him to save them?  Maybe that is why He has hand picked you for this calling ... trusting younot only to love one of His dear children, but to help change a nation.

With Love,
A Fellow Adoptive Parent