Your Child Must Be So Happy Now...!

A lot of times, especially when encountering someone who is unfamiliar with adoption, we bump into folks who make the following comments, or some variation of them.

• Oh, your son must be so happy now that he has a family!
• What you're doing is so great; you're child will be so thankful for all the opportunities you're giving him/her.
• I bet he/she just loves being in America now!

If I'm honest, I have probably made them without even realizing it myself before we grew our family through adoption.  But I really wish people would STOP because it perpetuates an ethnocentric attitude and eliminates a respect for our children's past and their hearts and memories that we really ought to have.

My son grieves his family, almost daily.  We do something that reminds him of his aunt or his grandparents and he has a moment of sadness.  Yes, we want him to be a part of our family.  And yes, we hope one day each moment of joy isn't shadowed with a moment of grief.  And yes, every day we see progress as he becomes more and more entrenched in our love and our life.

But I don't want him to forget.  And when we adopt our little Eastern European angel in a few months, I won't erase his/her past either.  And I certainly never want to come to a place where I forget that where they come from has shaped who they are, and who they are is my child that I love completely -- ever single part of them, even the parts I often wish I could have spared them (read THIS).  There is a great blog post HERE about what it must be like for children who are adopted and how we respond; I hope you'll take a minute to read the wisdom that this woman shares.

Our children are gifts to us, but I often wish we were unneeded.  I wish that they had a life with the family that they started with that was healthy and beautiful.  I wish that hunger and pain and neglect were unknown to them.  I wish, I wish, I wish.  And because I care, I love them enough to embrace even the parts that make me uncomfortable.

I don't expect gratitude.  I don't expect worship.  I just want to love them until they hurt no more, until they can remember with shaking or crying, until the nightmares are distant memories.  And I want to tell people about where they come from and what a difference adoption makes, but I want to do it in a way that softens their hearts to this country and these children instead of embittering them.  I want to embrace and share the culture of my children; we are now a duo-ethnic family and we celebrate that!

Defining Adoption

ADOPTION COULD WELL BE DEFINED AS A LIFE CHANGING PROCESS THAT SO SHAKES YOUR WORLD, NOTHING -INCLUDING YOURSELF- IS RECOGNIZABLE AT THE END OF IT. The AWESOME BEAUTY of it is that it grows not only your family, but your heart, your joy, and your dreams.  It is lovely, frustrating, beautiful, heart wrenching, awesome and miraculous.

A couple of years ago, it was still one of those "someday" deals for us.  We never imagined we'd hop a plane with three kids (ages 1, 6, and 8) and head to Ukra'ne to meet a child and ask him to accept us as his family.  I never imagined I would sit in a tiny office listening to people chatter away in a language I couldn't make heads or tails of (after months of studying, no less!) and try to hold my hands still because I was trembling with fear that he would not want us.  I never imagined the joy that flooded my heart when he nodded "yes" -- which was nothing compared to the joy I felt the first time he called me "Mommy" or said "I love you."

And here we are, mid-process on adoption number 2.  I look at the family picture above and I think that it's lovely (after all, I'm kind of partial to the folks in it), but I see how incomplete it is.  Can't you see the child that is supposed to be peeking out from between Mommy's and Daddy's shoulders, or leaning on Big Brother, or propped on Sissy?  I can.  And it makes me yearn.  I have no idea how many children God will allow us to add to our family, but I can't wait to find out!  Each one is loved and treasured, and each one is unique.

But back to when adoption was a "someday" deal for us.  How did that change?  It changed when I met an orphan from the country we ended up going to.  My heart became so full and so empty all at once.  I longed to be her mother.  I'm not, but God knew that.  Just as He knew it would take loving her to get my head out of "someday" and into "now."  I'm so thankful I met her; that sweet girl changed our lives and the lives of other children who will have families because of her sweet eyes and spirit.  David Platt says that once you look into the eyes of an orphan and once you know their names, you can't stay uninvolved.  He is so right!

And here we are, with God messing me up again.  Last adoption we pursued an older child because they are less likely to be adopted.  This time, it's a child with special needs.  I started out being open to one girl -- a little ray of sunshine in a dark corner of the world.  And then I began to pray for other faces and names and those who were unknown.  And my heart stretched.  Again.  I started out being open to one tiny, easy to handle "disability" and became open to a plethora.

Adoption changes lives.  And it starts with the one pursuing it.

Blind Faith

The country we are going to doesn't guarantee children.  That means that until you are in the country, sitting in the government office looking at files of children, you don't really know who you'll be adopting.  You can start off with an idea, but we've learned a few times over that it doesn't mean a thing.

So this adoption journey that started with a specific child that captured our hearts is ending like the last adoption journey that started with a specific child that captured our hearts: we're heading into the country with very little idea of how this stage of the journey will end.

I've been asked if I'm scared.  I've been given opportunities to try to sway the outcome.  I've been given advice.  And I'm walking in with blind faith, choosing to trust God to lead us to the child that is a part of our family and to take my hands off of the process completely.

All we know is we are heading over there, and we are coming home with one more.   We are returning with the child who has already been birthed in our hearts, invaded our dreams, and whose presence is noticeably missing in our home because they are so real to us all.

Is blind faith really blind?  I don't think so.  It is trust.  It is knowing that the same God who planted this impossibly miraculous child in our hearts knows the exact moment we belong in country to meet them.  It is knowing that God has an appointed time and a chosen child that He is going to entrust to us.  And the anticipation is an opportunity for a faith that can only make me stronger and only serve to strengthen my relationship with Abba, Father.

A Note To Adoptive Parents...

Dear Parents:

I know you love your child-to-be dearly.  That is why you work so hard to be frugal, fundraise so diligently, and ask people for support.  That is why you go through the rigors of a homestudy, compiling a dossier, and navigating the channels of a foreign government.  That is why you are readying your home and your heart for its newest arrival.

Loving that child is awesome!

But may I encourage you to also love his or her homeland?  After all, it is this country that has given your newest love to you.  Don't despise it or demean it.  Pray for it.  Learn to understand it.  Embrace its history and celebrate its traditions.  Savor its foods and adopt a few of its customs.  Lavish it with the same love you are lavishing on your new son or daughter.

Your child is an orphan waiting for you, not because it comes from some horrible system that hates kids, but because we live in a world rife with sin.  You cannot blame a nation for doing its best -- or people who are not saved for doing their worst in the systems that work for these children.  It will only create bitterness within you and a wall between you and your child.  But you can and should shower this nation with prayer.

Just because this nation doesn't understand where we come from and speaks about us out of their ignorance does not mean they are lying to our children about us.  They are not attempting to disrupt your life; they are just repeating what they've heard and been taught to believe.  And anger, prejudice, hatred, and irritation will only serve to continue their feelings.  Love is what it takes to change it.

Please, precious parent, won't you love the nation of your child?  Won't you shower it with blessings?  Won't you cover it with prayer?  Won't you be the hands and feet of God, making the most of the opportunity you have to stand up for the Beloved of Heaven ... the One who cries out for this same nation to His Father, asking Him to save them?  Maybe that is why He has hand picked you for this calling ... trusting younot only to love one of His dear children, but to help change a nation.

With Love,
A Fellow Adoptive Parent

You Know We Have Kids in the U.S., too, Right?

Yes, we are aware that there are children in need of families here in the United States.  There are orphans in every country in the world.  They all need families, and they are all loved by God and important.  My heart breaks for each one of them.  My voice will cry out for each one of them until they are all cared for and loved or until I have no breath left.

So why am I adopting from Eastern Europe?  Because my heart is there.  I can't totally explain it; it's like it's a part of my DNA or something.  Once my heart was gripped, then I had no choice to remain unchanged and inactive.  But here are some things I consider...

Orphans who grow up in the U.S. will still come out ahead of orphans in a socialist or third world country.  You don't hear about teenagers (yes, teenagers) here in the U.S. who weigh less than their age.  And yet I've read about, seen pictures of, and talked to the families of at least half a dozen children who weigh less than their age.  Just today I received a message asking me to pray for a fourteen year old who weighs only 9 pounds.  That's less than half the weight of our Toddler.  Nor are the orphans in the U.S. marked even as adults with a stigma that prevents them from getting certain jobs.  The teenage girls here are not more likely to enter prostitution than get a high school diploma.  This is not one of the leading countries in the exporting of humans.  Nor is this a country notorious for its lack of love and care for its orphans.

I guess I want to start with the least of these.

Take a peek at this video to see the TRUTH.

I Wish I Could Help, but...

So many folks tell me I must be something special, but I promise it's not that.  Some tell me they could never do what I do.  That may be true -- after all, none of us were created to do what someone else does -- we were called to be individually unique.  I've even heard some people tell me it's a shame and "someone" ought to do something (this post ... not for those folks!).  And other people I've talked to feel despair because they don't think they can help, and yet they are moved by the need.

Those people (YOU?) are the ones this blog post is for today.  You CAN make a difference.  And if you are truly moved, you WILL make a difference.  It's that simple, that basic, that necessary.  Because a changed heart makes a change in the world.

I don't know about you, but looking at these faces has changed me.  Perhaps it's because I played with them, hugged them, talked with them, loved them, prayed for them.  Perhaps it's because I've lost sleep thinking about their bloody, sore feet or lack of basic necessities.  Perhaps it's because each one of these children just wants to be loved.  It's that simple, that basic, that essential.

All they want is someone to care about them.  The news that makes me happy to share is that two of the children above have been adopted this past month, one is now our son, one has his parents coming for him soon, and the others do have people who are making a difference in their lives even if from afar.  The news that makes me weep at night is that there are hundreds of thousands more without that reality.

So what can YOU do?
A lot ... a little ... just please do something!

The simplest way to help us is to click on the donate button the left hand side of this blog post.  It goes straight into our Family Sponsorship Program grant and will help us with our in country expenses as we prepare to return to Eastern Europe to adopt our sweet girl, waiting in a children's institution.  She has Down syndrome and really needs to get out of there and start getting the help she needs to ensure a future.  We also have a goal for the month of December to collect at least $10 in donations from every state in the U.S.  If you want to help with that, check it out HERE.

The next easiest way to help, if you don't want to just click a button or give money, is to sow your time.  Your time can help us if you want to host a jewelry party (this would make a great Ladies Night or even a Princess Birthday Party) with Perfect Joy Designs.  100% of money made at these events goes to adopting families and/or orphan care worldwide.  We're also always looking for folks to host a Fun Night In (leave a comment if you want more info on holding a party that saves lives!).

If you want to help in a broader sense, we support and would love to have you partner with us in supporting Grace to Ukraine.  Suzette Davie and her organization run a beautiful ministry reaching out to orphans in Ukraine on many different levels.  They have supplied diapers and bed pads to special needs orphanages, helped with camps in Eastern Ukraine, and brings children here in the summer for hosting programs.  She has also offered us sweet, encouraging support on our adoption journeys.  Check out the facebook page for current projects and ways to be involved.

And there are more ways to get involved, too.  You can bring an adopting family dinner.  You can help them around the house.  You can offer a word of support.

AND YOU CAN PRAY.  For prayer does not equip for the greater work; it is the greater work! (O. Chambers)

The UNITED States of America

I'm hoping for folks to UNITE with us this month.  I know this month is Christmas and that means that money is tighter than usual.  I'm asking for something really fun, though.  Are you ready?

I want to see people all across the U.S.A. unite with us to help us Bring Our Angel Home.  My goal is to have at least $10 in donations from EVERY SINGLE STATE.  Donations of $35 or more from a single person will result in a lovely handmade Christmas ornament from our family to yours -- mailed right to your door!  Will you do it?  Will you help us?  YAY!!!

Just paypal your gift to lisaytucker @ gmail.com as a personal donation and leave a note as to what state it is.  If you send $35 or more and would like us to mail you an ornament, include your address in that note!

1. Alabama $10
2. Alaska
3. Arizona
4. Arkansas
5. California
6. Colorado
7. Connecticut
8. Delaware
9. Florida
10. Georgia
11. Hawaii
12. Idaho
13. Illinois
14. Indiana
15. Iowa
16. Kansas
17. Kentucky
18. Louisiana
19. Maine
20. Maryland
21. Massachusettes
22. Michigan
23. Minnesota
24. Mississippi
25. Missouri
26. Montana
27. Nebraska
28. Nevada
29. New Hampshire
30. New Jersey
31. New Mexico
32. New York $10
33. North Carolina
34. North Dakota
35. Ohio
36. Oklahoma
37. Oregon
38. Pennsylvania
39. Rhode Island
40. South Carolina
41. South Dakota
42. Tennessee
43. Texas
44. Utah
45. Vermont
46. Virginia
47. Washington
48. West Virginia
49. Wisconsin
50. Wyoming