I Have Come to the End of Myself

I've been having a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head, echoing in my heart.  Adoption really isn't for the faint of heart.  And I'm not what you would consider a super strong, stick to it, make-a-way-no-matter-what kind of a person.  I look at other adoptive moms and I pale in comparison.  I look at those who have what seems like dozens of kids and I wonder why they find their energy.  And then there's me...

I'm the mom who second guesses herself.  I'm the mom who hopes that her kids grow up to be amazing adults in spite of her.  I'm the mom who loves being a mom, but wonders if she could be better.  I'm incredibly human, and sometimes that's rough.

And now, with thirteen days left until I board an airplane to head across the ocean,I'M AT THE END OF MYSELF.

2 Corinthians 1:9 has been my verse to cling to: "No longer relying on myself, but instead on the God who raises the dead!"  That's where I'm at.

And yesterday my pastor talked about how that is a key part of overcoming.  And I want to overcome.  I long for that victory in every area of my life.  So today instead of second guessing myself, I am reveling in my weakness -- thanking God for grace that is enough, peace that comes from beyond myself, and for the power that raised Christ from the dead and now lives inside of me.

Mother's Day Meanderings

I'm so excited about Mother's Day this year!  Last year, I was surrounded by three precious children who held my heart.  This year I'll be hugged by four and leaving to bring home two more.  WOW!

I can't even begin to put into words what it feels like to love a child that you did not carry in your womb, but in  your heart.  There is an element, sometimes, of disbelief -- is he really, truly, finally here?  There is an element of overwhelming love -- I can't believe I ever wondered how we'd make it work; I can't imagine life without him.  And there is an element of humility -- why has God entrusted this life into my care?

And the wonder and anticipation for the two who are still growing in our hearts -- just WOW.

Excitement!!!

I'll only be blogging from my living room for a few more weeks ... because we will be holding our sweet children and loving on them in less than a month!  We are so excited :)

Here are our sweet kiddos, all in "one" portrait ... until we can get back home and have our new portraits done by one of my favorite local photographers, By Him For Him Photography.  I cannot wait, honestly.  After we had them done last year, I could see the spots left open for our two new faces.  Seriously, I look at the picture and can see exactly where they ought to be!  But anyhow...here they are...our six kiddos:

If you want to pray, here are the requests we are constantly bringing before God:

• Perfect timing, for each and every step in the process
• For our four kiddos who will stay behind, not to miss us and to have fun
• For us, who have never left them, to not have broken hearts
• For our new kiddos, to be open to receiving our love
• For bonding to be smooth, and attachment swift
• For favor when we stand before the judge
• For the fastest possibly processing of all papers (see first request though, which trumps this one!)
• For a safe trip there and home

And if you want to help with support, here's what you can do:

• Make a tax deductible donation to our family grant via Reece's Rainbow (consider mailing a check, to save paypal fees if the gift is larger) ... and every $$ donated right now goes towards our $500 matching grant!
• Go SHOPPING!  We have a TON of gorgeous jewelry by PERFECT JOY DESIGNS that has been made to help us bring our kiddos home, and every penny comes to us :)
• Jump in and do a coin drive -- collect spare change from your home, car, pockets, and friends
• Have a yard sale that benefits our adoption, or a car wash, or host a party with one of the many home based businesses that donate (ask me for contact info -- we have Thirty-One, Usborne, Mary Kay, and more who will do this)
• For those who want to be more specific (some have asked!): we need two new car seats (we have to have certain ones to safely fit in our van, and that are the right sizes for our kiddos).  
• Spread the word!!!

Our Big Announcement!

Right from the start of this adoption journey, we felt as though God had a daughter and a son waiting for us. We did not think it would be possible to bring them both home, though, so we pursued our girl first.  Shame on us for doubting!

God had other plans, and He made them clear.  Soon, I could not sleep for dreaming and wondering about my boy.  It appeared I was going to lose my girl at one point, too, and I began to press in and question God about all I "knew."  I'd love to share the whole story, but that would mean letting you read my journal and I'm not ready for that.  At least not right now.

Suffice it to say, God gripped our hearts in a way we could not ignore and we pushed through for the impossible.  And now...I am pleased to share with you the TWO angels that have captured our hearts.

Aren't they darling?!?!?!  I am certain he will be a wonderful brother, and she a sweet sister.  I cannot wait to hug and kiss my babies. 

The Unexpected Blessing of the Adoption Journey

The obvious blessing of the adoption journey is the child or children you bring into your hearts and family.  But there are so many others, and I am afraid they are often overlooked.  Today I want to talk about some of them.

Above is a picture of adorable Matryoshka necklaces.  A very talented young woman, who lives down the road from us, made them.  She made the necklace below (and several more like it with all different parts of the world represented -- click on the pics to check them out).  She does jewelry parties and makes customizable pieces -- and gives ALL of the money away -- to help orphans land in families.

We had a little boy hand us a sandwich baggie full of change this week.  That baggie of change (and dollars) blessed me more than I could have ever imagined.  He told me his mom showed him a picture of our little girl on facebook and that he prayed for her.  WOW.  What an amazing young man.  

A woman we've never met in person who lives a solid day's drive away from us hosted a jewelry party last night to help us get closer to bringing our girl home.  She has prayed for our girl for long before we ever found her.  Our sweet angel has an angel of her own.

The beauty of this journey is that we are not walking it alone.  We are walking it with people we know, people we know in passing, and people we've never met.  When we started this journey, I had no way of knowing that one of my dearest friends would come out of it (that was last adoption!), or how many people (this adoption) would step forward to offer encouragement and love.  It is awesome.

Understanding a Ransom

According to the dictionary, a RANSOM is the price paid to deliver or redeem someone from bondage; the deliverance or rescue.

As a Christian I have often heard (and thought I understood) that I was ransomed by Jesus.  The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) and I am a sinner (Romans 3:23).  I, however, did not have to die because Jesus died for me (John 3:16).  All rather neat and tidy, when you're sitting in Sunday School reading learning about it.

But there was nothing neat and tidy about it.  It took a man, giving his life, so that I could live.  He had to leave His Father and His home, voluntarily lay aside His heavenly authority and take on the frail shell of a man, and submit to death one Friday afternoon.  He was spit on, laughed at, ridiculed, beaten, and murdered.  All so I wouldn't have to be.

And then -- HE AROSE!

This past Easter was more victorious to me than those in years past.  Why?  Because I understood just a little bit more about a ransom.  My heart was able to embrace the victory of redemption just a little bit more than it had in the past.

Why?

Because of ADOPTION.  Adoption is the ransoming of a life.  A precious life.  A forgotten life.  An important life.  A neglected life.  A valuable life...that has been devalued.

What man sees is not what God sees.  God has a different vision.  God is calling forward an army to make a difference.  If only 7% of Christians stepped up to the plate to adopt, we'd see a new world with no orphans.

Will you help?  A ransom is costly, but worth it.  You can pray, you can shout loudly for these kids, you can join a missions team, you can help raise the ransom for a family who will go and redeem them, or you can go yourself.  But please, understand that you have been ransomed, and you can help ransom someone else!

Here She Is: OUR ANGEL!

This week we made an 'official' commitment to a child who has been advocated for by the folks at Reece's Rainbow.  That doesn't actually mean anything truly official in our country, but it does let the world know who we are praying for and already love in our hearts as our girl. It is who we will be pursuing as soon as our feet hit the ground!  It also gives you a face to put with your prayers and support!  Isn't she lovely?

To be "fully funded" we need a lot of money ... about $21,000 more than we currently have.  Our goal for this week is to find 75 people who will donate $21 each ... that's $1 for each of her extra special chromosomes.  We also have extra jobs we are picking up, money we scrimp out of our budget by not spending, and fundraisers going on ... but because we adopted last year, we have very little savings to kick in.  Will you consider giving?  Even $5 makes a BIG DIFFERENCE to this little life.  You're not just blessing our family ... you're shaping her future.  Thank you.  Donations can be made HERE, or via the button on the sidebar.